Dear Luz #24

By Luz Michelle

Artwork by Justin Negard

Disclaimer: It’s okay to laugh—this is a humor column! We welcome your Dear Luz questions, but we’re legally obligated to say this is not a substitute for real advice by professionals.

Dear Luz,

My friends always want to go to restaurants I can’t afford, and I’m running out of reasons for why I can’t make it. How do I tell them I simply can’t afford to hang out with them without being excluded and possibly losing their friendship?
—Champagne Friends

Dear Champagne Friends,

Girl, stop making excuses. You’re broke, not in witness protection.

Tell them the truth. Real friends will adjust, pick somewhere cheaper or occasionally grab the damn check. If your budget gets you excluded, you don’t have a money problem—you have a friend problem. Friendship shouldn’t come with a two-drink minimum.

—Luz

Dear Luz,

I moved to the area almost a year ago, and I still don’t have any friends. I work from home, and my kids aren’t in after-school activities where I could meet other parents. What can I do to make some friends?
—New Kid on the Block

Dear New Kid on the Block,

Your new friends are not hiding in your house. Get outside! Hit the library, coffee shops, farmers markets, fall festivals, apple orchards, pumpkin patches—basically anywhere there’s cider, flannel and people pretending they enjoy paying $14 for a pumpkin.

Become a familiar face. Familiar turns

into conversation, conversation turns into plans, and boom, you got people.

—Luz

Dear Luz,

My partner refuses to recycle properly, and it’s causing genuine arguments.
It physically pains me when he’s too lazy to rinse something out so he just throws it in the garbage. Doesn’t he know our planet is on fire? How do I get him to do the right thing?

—Green Mama

Dear Green Mama,

Money. Sex. In-laws (the worst, am I right?!). Directions. And apparently…recycling.

I’m with you—the planet is burning, sir. Rinse the damn yogurt container.

But stop doing it for him. Let his recyclables pile up so he can see exactly what he creates. Where that pile eventually ends up, perhaps his car, is between you and Mother Earth.

—Luz

Dear Luz,

I just started high school, and my neighbor is driving me to school. I’m happy I don’t have to take the bus, but I don’t like riding with him because he makes it his mission to hit any squirrel he sees on the road. I’ve told him to stop, but he thinks it’s funny. What do I do?
—Squirrel Survivor

Dear Squirrel Survivor,

The bus. You take the bus.

Because anyone swerving toward an animal for entertainment does not get entrusted with transporting my teenage body anywhere.

And please find that neighbor who’s nuts about animals. (See what I did there?) Tell them everything. They’ll handle the squirrel situation. And probably him.

—Luz

xoxoxo

This column was edited by Gia Miller.

This article was published in the September/October 2026 edition of Connect to Northern Westchester.