Nailing the Wedding Speech

By Courtney Davis Walker

Design by Justin Negard

You’ve been asked to give a wedding speech…and you’re honored?

Okay, you’re probably nervous and maybe a bit intimidated. What do you say? How long should it be? What if you aren’t funny? Should you just wing it? (Hint: Absolutely not.)  Where do you even begin?

Fear not, fellow readers and soon-to-be-wedding-speech-writers/givers, we’ve got you covered. As long as you have at least two weeks before the big day, these tips will give you everything you need to craft that perfect speech.

Write it down

“The first thing you should do is an internal brainstorming session,” says Holly Blum, wedding and special occasion speech writer and owner of A Speech to Remember.

“Sit down and write a bulleted list of everything that comes to mind about the couple and begin to form an outline. Think about who the people are as individuals and as a couple. Once the brainstorming happens, you can look at everything you have and see what the buckets are, what threads you can pull together, and begin to form a cohesive speech.”

Short and sweet

“Definitely keep the speech short, especially if there are several people speaking,” advises comedian and owner of Hard Headed Comedy, Luz Michelle.

Blum agrees.

“Limit the speeches to five minutes tops,” she says. “After that point, you’ll start losing the audience. Leave people wanting more and not wishing for less. And if you write a long speech, go back and see what you can cut. The best place to start is by eliminating extraneous details.”

To give yourself enough time to write and edit, begin at least two weeks prior, but starting a month in advance is ideal.

It’s NOT about you or your inside jokes

“If you find yourself saying, ‘I’ more than the names of the guests of honor, go back to the drawing board,” says Blum. “While it’s an honor to speak, your role is really to talk about the bride and groom and cast them in the most flattering light possible. You’re the vessel for the couple to get their accolades and have everyone in the room get to know them better. And while inside jokes may be funny to a select few, that’s not what you’re there for.”

Instead, save those stories for the bachelor or bachelorette party. The wedding speech should include stories that will appeal to all guests.

Skip the booze

If you are a drinker, it’s a good idea to wait until after you’ve given your speech to partake in champagne.

“If you think having a few alcoholic beverages before giving a speech will take the edge off, think again,” says Blum. It almost always ends in disaster.”

She tells clients if they must have a drink prior to speaking, have one drink only, and do so at least 45 minutes before picking up the microphone.

Michelle agrees. “I have one drink or nothing at all before a show.”

Practice makes perfect

“Practice as much as possible, at least once or twice a day during the week leading up to the big day,” says Blum. “As you develop an increased level of comfort with the feel and flow of your speech, your fears of public speaking will diminish.”

But practice doesn‘t mean memorizing the speech; it means developing a fluency so that the speech sounds like a polished conversation, not something you‘re reading off a script.

“Make video recordings of yourself when you practice,” Michelle recommends. “Then review the videos and take notes. How’s your posture? Where are your eyes? What are you doing with your hands? All eyes will be on you, so do what you can to be prepared. Practice it constantly.”

You can also practice in front of family and/or friends, especially if there’s a part of your speech that only they might know. You want to make sure they’re okay with the story you plan to tell.

“All of these exercises will instill confidence, and confidence is key,” says Michelle. “Then, when you are at the big event, remind yourself that you trained for this.”

Sparkly smile.

Last but not least, be yourself

A speech should really reflect your personality.

“If you’re typically witty or funny, make sure your speech reflects that,” says Blum. “Some people feel they need to morph themselves into stand-up comics, and it just doesn’t land.”

But our stand-up comic says it is ok to share a joke, as long as everyone can be in on it.

“Prepare in advance by sharing a funny story you are thinking of including with the bride or groom to see if it works,” says Michelle. “But make sure to be yourself. It’s all about your delivery. Delivery will get your joke and your heartfelt message across.”

And, most importantly, don’t be that person. Be respectful of the couple and the honor.

“This is a really important day in a bride and groom’s life, so please put in the effort when putting together your speech,” says Blum. “It will lead to an articulate, meaningful and memorable speech.”

This article was published in the March/April 2025 edition of Connect to Northern Westchester.