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Writing  by Luz Michelle

Dear Luz,

One of my best friends insults people when she’s mad at them—calling them stupid and ugly like she’s in middle school. But we are adults, and she expects me to join in and agree with her. If I don’t, she gets all huffy and says I’m not being supportive. Honestly, they might be stupid or ugly, but does it really matter? Why do I have to pile on too? I just want to listen and maybe buy her a latte, not get caught up in a roast session. Help!

– I’m a nice person

Dear Nice Person,

Oh, I see what you’re dealing with—a classic trap. I’ve been there, done that. Not proud, but hey, a little petty fun never hurt, right? Kidding… sorta.

Here’s the deal: Don’t bother boarding the negativity train just because she’s throwing a tantrum. If she can’t handle you sipping your latte and living your life, maybe it’s time for her to find a “supportive” tribe that thrives on drama and judgment. And keep sipping that latte, girl. You’re doing just fine.

Dear Luz,

I have a sister problem. She takes REALLY LONG showers and leaves me with no hot water. My parents have told her to take shorter showers, but she doesn’t listen. I really hate cold showers, and it’s just rude. How can I get her to respect me and my shower needs?

– Don’t want to be the smelly kid

Dear You Are Not the Smelly Kid,

I think I’m experiencing flashbacks. I’ve been there, too. My childhood shower? An actual icebox. I get the chill factor. Next time she’s in there pretending to be in the Bahamas, just turn off the hot water. Watch her get a quick lesson in what it feels like to get the cold shoulder—literally. Your parents will definitely appreciate you taking one for the team. This is a win-win for the whole family.

Dear Luz,

I just started a new job, and I think I’m being punked. There’s a guy next to me who slurps his coffee loudly and eats crunchy things with his mouth open. There’s a woman who acts like she’s been my best friend for years and tells me really personal things about her life that I just don’t want to know. And there’s even an assistant who can’t seem to do anything right. My boss is great and so is the work, so I don’t want to quit. Help me find the humor and cope with the world’s most annoying coworkers before I snap!

– Barely staying sane

Dear Barely Staying Sane,

Please Tell Me More.  You’re officially in the Real Housewives of Corporate Chaos, and trust me, this is all prime reality TV material. Slurping coffee? Instant ASMR. Oversharing coworker? Sitcom gold. Your assistant? Perfect stand-up material.

Lean into it. Slurp your coffee like you’re auditioning for America’s Got Talent, chew like you’ve never heard of manners, and spill every detail of your “wild weekend.” Either they’ll get the memo or think you’re the office weirdo—but guess what? You’re still winning.

Dear Luz,

Did you make a New Year’s resolution this year? I never make them because I don’t want to fail. But I’m thinking of trying a simple one, like learning how to fold a fitted sheet or trying kale. What do you think? Are those good “starter” resolutions?

– Resolving to resolve

Dear Stuck in a Christmas Loop,

Ah, the sweet sound of holiday cheer turned into a cheerful nightmare. Since it seems like Christmas music is here to stay, why not flip the script? Create your own anthem—try belting out “This too shall pass… eventually” to the most annoying jingle you can think of, i.e., Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer. Bonus points if it drives your kids or coworkers crazy.

Remember, this “torture” is a seasonal one. Soon, everyone will be fumbling through the lyrics of “Auld Lang Syne” like it’s a test they never studied for.

Dear Resolving to Resolve,

Ah, New Year’s resolutions—the annual comedy show of self-sabotage. Look, I’m all for “baby steps.” Folding a fitted sheet? A small miracle. Kale? Sure, try it—you’ll probably hate it, but at least you can say you didn’t just buy the chips.

Me? I keep it real: “No eating after 11 p.m.” or “Don’t cuss around the tiny humans until after 5 p.m.” Simple, doable, and it feels like a major win when I don’t completely lose it. So pick a resolution that’s actually attainable and stick to it, darling.

To read other Dear Luz articles, click here.

 This article was published in the January /February 2025 edition of Connect to Northern Westchester.

Luz Michelle
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Luz Michelle has channelled her unique life experiences and background into a successful comedy career, gracing stages such as Caroline's, Gotham Comedy Club, The Stand, The NY Underground Comedy Festival, The North Carolina Comedy Festival and more, with her malapropisms and unique style. As Founder of Hard Headed Comedy™, a comedy entertainment company, Luz produces live and streamed showcases featuring a diverse mix of established and up-and-coming comedic talent.