How to Communicate IRL (And Why You Should)

Find it difficult to order food, talk to teachers, your boss or strangers? The author, a recent college graduate, did too. So, she spoke to experts to give you the tips she wished she had as a teen.

By Isabella Aranda Garcia

Artwork by Cara McPartland

I’m not here to tell you that social media is bad—I get it, it’s a huge part of how we connect now (and let’s be real, it’s also pretty fun). But when so much of our communication happens digitally, face-to-face interactions can start to feel…awkward.

In high school, I struggled to talk to strangers in person; even ordering a coffee made me nervous. I didn’t have the skills to help me make it easier. Shyness can sometimes overcome us, particularly when it comes to communicating with adults or strangers.

So if you’re like I was, or even if you only struggle occasionally, keep reading. Whether you like it or not, learning to communicate IRL is a life skill you need, so here’s why and how to begin.

Touch some grass

Social media keeps us connected, but it’s also changing the way we communicate. And if we’re not careful, it can make face-to-face conversations feel harder than they should. As you transition into adulthood, your ability to communicate in person will be a key factor in your success.

Right now, you’re probably getting hit with a lot of questions about your future, but one thing you might not have considered is how well you communicate. Whether it’s a job interview, a presentation or networking, knowing how to navigate face-to-face interactions is key to unlocking career opportunities. It might seem intimidating, but practicing these skills now will make things a lot easier than being thrown into them unprepared later. The sooner you refine those skills, the easier it will be in young adulthood (and all of adulthood) to handle networking lunches and make new friends.

Sure, a text will fix it. /s

Have you ever sent a text that didn’t quite come across as you intended? Or found yourself piling on the emojis to make sure your tone is clear? Messages can feel colder, harsher and more confusing than intended without visual or vocal cues.

“Digital communication is just rife with opportunity for missed nonverbal cues,” says Dr. Anna Weiser, a clinical psychologist and director of student support at The Windward School. “When you rely on digital communication, it’s harder for you to recognize these cues and know how to respond because you’ve had fewer opportunities to practice interpreting these kinds of signals in real life.”

Real-life conversations allow you to pick up on expressions, tone and body language, which make communication more natural and effective. And when you don’t have those skills, then you end up avoiding both good and difficult in-person conversation.

It’s easy to hide behind a screen when you’re feeling uncomfortable or unsure about handling a tough conversation. But avoiding face-to-face communication can lead to misunderstandings, missed opportunities to resolve conflict, and even a lack of important social skills you will need in life.

“When conflicts happen and are handled online, they can escalate quickly due to misinterpretations or impulsive responses, especially when there’s a lack of immediate feedback,” Weiser says.

She emphasizes that, unlike text, face-to-face interactions allow you to see the immediate impact of your communication. You can’t hide behind a screen, so you’re less likely to say hurtful comments you’ll later regret.

Avoid NPC behavior

Picture this: You walk into a room full of people you don’t know. What’s your first instinct?

A) Try to strike up a conversation with someone new.

B) Pull out your phone and scroll through Instagram to avoid the awkwardness.

If you picked B, you’re not alone. Talking to new people can feel intimidating, and your phone can easily become your safety net in unfamiliar or uncomfortable situations.

Melanie Gorman, a school counselor at Whitby School, says teens are missing out on simple communication skills—like active listening and maintaining eye contact—because they don’t get as much practice in person.

She recommends stepping outside of your comfort zone and not using the phone as a crutch.

“Sometimes,” she says, “the uncomfortable things are what help us grow.”

Now that you know the importance, it’s time to turn those insights into action. Building strong in-person communication skills takes practice, but don’t worry—you’re not in this alone.

The very first step you should take is to stop being so hard on yourself. We get it—putting yourself out there isn’t always easy. Maybe you’re worried about saying the wrong thing or being judged. But if you don’t try, then you won’t ever succeed.

“It’s great to hold yourself accountable and to want to push yourself to be the best you can be,” Gorman says. “But there’s a fine line between thinking about what you could do better next time and being too harsh.”

Practicing self-improvement and self-compassion is essential. And remember, we all make mistakes (even adults). Replaying those scenarios in your head (like when you stuttered in front of your crush) and cringing/vowing to never speak another word ever again won’t actually help you. And, believe it or not, the person you said that to is probably thinking the same thing about themselves. It’s okay to just try again, or else no one would ever talk to each other.

“If you’re not sure where to draw the line,” says Gorman, “ask yourself if you’d give the same feedback to a friend.”

It might not be just you though. What people say about social media increasing loneliness and anxiety is true. Weiser says that while digital communication makes you feel further apart from your peers, “in-person interactions create a sense of belonging and social support”.

Become the main character

Confidence in face-to-face communication doesn’t happen overnight, but like any other skill, it improves with practice. Not sure how to practice? Both Gorman and Weiser recommend role-playing, something they offer to students at their schools.

“Role-playing gives you an opportunity to practice in a safe setting where your stakes are low so you can get comfortable with how it feels to express yourself,” says Weiser.

It might feel a little awkward at first or even lame, but communication is a skill, just like painting or sports. Rehearsing conversations (even by yourself) helps you refine your thoughts, figure out what you want to say, and grow more comfortable expressing yourself.

For example, if you’re nervous to approach your teacher about a grade, practice the conversation with a parent or friend first. Or maybe you don’t know how to tell your friend they hurt your feelings. Practice in the mirror and use “I feel” statements to improve your conflict resolution skills.

If role-playing just isn’t your thing, try making small talk with people you usually text or avoid. Talk to a cashier, ask a classmate about homework, or even make a phone call instead of texting. These little interactions add up, making larger social situations feel less intimidating.

“There are certain techniques you can practice,” says Gorman. “Try finding common ground with somebody or talking about a general topic, like your surroundings, the weather or the place you’re currently in.”

Your glow-up guide

You’ve role-played and/or practiced, and you’re ready for the next step. Take the leap and put these skills to good use by following these tips:

Practice active listening

Active listening means paying attention to what the other person is saying rather than planning your next sentence. It will help make conversations easier and more comfortable.

Pay attention to non-verbal cues

Are they facing you? How’s their tone? Did they cross their arms across their chest? Notice these small details to better understand what the other person is trying to communicate. (Not sure how to feel in the moment? Make a mental note and figure it out later.)

Ease into eye contact

If direct eye contact feels overwhelming, try sitting next to the person instead of across from them, or have the conversation while walking next to each other.

Pick the right moment

For difficult conversations, make sure you choose a time when both you and the other person are free from distractions.

Give them time to process

If you’ve dumped a lot of information on someone or surprised them with what you said, be patient and stay open to their perspective, even if you don’t agree. (And when you need to, it’s okay for you to ask for time to process the information.)

Show respect and manners

Avoid interrupting, and approach the conversation with mutual respect. That includes “please” and “thank you,” as well as all the other manners you learned in preschool.

Lets BFR

Social media isn’t going anywhere, but it should complement—not replace—the essential skills that come from face-to-face conversations. As for me, I didn’t overcome my shyness by choice—I had to. As a journalist, I had to push myself out of my comfort zone, but those first few interviews were rough. I remember spending my entire day dreading the moment I had to step in and introduce myself until finally, I just went for it with a smile. Did I mess up? Many, many times. But after a while, I realized it’s really not as scary as I made it out to be. Actually, it was fun. I loved getting to know people, and eventually, curiosity took hold instead of anxiety.

So, practice and push yourself out of your comfort zone; you’ll build confidence, empathy and self-awareness. Trust me, these skills will be invaluable in college, your career and your relationships for years to come.

This article was published in the March/April 2025 edition of Connect to Northern Westchester.