Dear Luz #23

By Luz Michelle

Artwork by Justin Negard

Disclaimer: It’s okay to laugh—this is a humor column! We welcome your Dear Luz questions, but we’re legally obligated to say this is not a substitute for real advice by professionals.

Dear Luz,

My family group chat has ten people in it and approximately 9,000 messages a day. Most of them are nonsense. How do I leave without causing a family emergency?

—Muted But Still Suffering

Dear Muted,

You don’t leave. Family group chats are like the mob: once you’re in, you’re in.

Mute it, skim it occasionally, and trust that if someone actually dies, they’ll call.

—Luz

Dear Luz,

My ex-husband is a narcissist. We share three children, and now our oldest daughter seems to be following in his footsteps. Her husband recently asked me how to deal with her. Do I warn him? Do I warn her? Or do I stay out of it?

—Watching History Repeat Itself

Dear Watching,

Give him your divorce attorney’s number and wish him luck.

Kidding. Mostly.

Look, nobody has ever changed because their mother sat them down and said, “Sweetie, have you considered being less of a nightmare?”

—Luz

Dear Luz,

I’ve been friends with someone since high school, but we’re in our 30s now and living completely different lives. She still wants to hang out all the time. How do I break up with her without hurting her feelings?

—Outgrown

Dear Outgrown,

Break up? You can’t break up with her. But you can become increasingly unavailable until the friendship naturally transitions into liking each other’s birthday posts.

It’s the circle of life.

—Luz

Dear Luz,

I’ve been standing in the grocery store staring at fifteen different brands of olive oil for twenty minutes. Please choose one for me.

—Decision Paralysis

Dear Decision,

At this point, buy the olives and squeeze them yourself.

You’ve spent more time choosing the oil than the olive tree did growing it.

—Luz

Dear Luz,

I love my wife, but we can never agree on a vacation. She wants adventure. I want a chair and absolutely no responsibilities. Is there a place where we can both be happy?

—Refuse to Vacation Alone

Dear Refuse,

The fact that you started with, “I love my wife,” tells me this isn’t your first disagreement.

You don’t need the same vacation. You need the same hotel.

Let her chase adventure. You chase a lounge chair. Meet for dinner.

—Luz

This column was edited by Gia Miller.

This article was published in the July/August 2026 edition of Connect to Northern Westchester.