Why Your Dog Hates Goodbyes

Writing by Dr. Sarah J. Cutler

Artwork by Molly McGarvey

When you leave your dog home alone, what happens? Do they look out the windows or stand at the door anxiously awaiting your return? Do they ignore their food or chew items that smell like you, such as remote controls, doorknobs or pillows? Are they panting, trembling, pacing or salivating? Do they urinate or defecate where they shouldn’t? Are there vocalizations, such as whining or barking? Are they attempting to escape by scratching at doors or even breaking through walls or windows? Or, if you crate your dog, do they bite at the crate or jump and move around so much that the crate is no longer in the same location when you arrive home?

If you answered yes to any of these, then your dog is not simply causing trouble; they are feeling miserable. They’re struggling with separation anxiety, which is thankfully a treatable condition.

“These behavior issues can cause serious stress for the pet as well as the owner, who is constantly worried about leaving their pet alone,” says Dr. Timothy Walker, DVM, DABVP, CCRP, cVMA, of Somers Animal Hospital. “We have seen cases where separation anxiety, or separation-related behaviors, has led to a dog injuring themselves and/or damaging the home. We have seen dogs that have fractured their large canine teeth or bloodied their paws trying to get out of a cage. We have even received reports of dogs chewing through a wall to get out of a small room.”

Why does this happen?

There are many dogs who experience both separation anxiety when they are home alone and when confined in a crate or behind a closed door. Some dogs are born with separation anxiety, and for some, it’s the result of experiencing a traumatic event, such as being neglected, rehomed multiple times, or left home alone during something scary like a smoke detector going off or a thunderstorm. This disorder is one of the most difficult behavioral issues to live with, as it impacts the quality of life for both the pet and the family.

True separation anxiety is a disorder that does not go away on its own, and it will usually get worse over time if left untreated. Dr. Vanessa Spano, DVM, DACVB, a board-certified veterinary behaviorist in NYC and an expert on canine and feline behavioral issues, believes it should be renamed separation distress “because the animal is just that––sadly, truly distressed.”

With time, these signs of distress can progress to include a new phase, one that includes the dog observing their owners preparing to leave. As soon as they recognize the signs, the dog begins to demonstrate anxiety-related behaviors. In extreme cases, dogs may try to block their owners from exiting by vocalizing, jumping on them, grabbing their clothing with their mouth, and, in some cases, even biting them.

But the good news is that many dogs struggling with separation anxiety can begin to improve and overcome their distress with help from their families and professionals. And since the anxiety comes from being alone, most dogs will feel okay as long as they are left with a human companion, even if it isn’t their favorite person.

If you observe some of these behaviors in your canine companion, it might just be because they are not mature enough to be left home alone or free in the house. The milder signs may be normal behavior for that developmental stage, such as exploring the house, getting into garbage, or urinating/defecating.

How you can help

Begin by thinking holistically—help your dog live their best life in all spheres so they can build resilience to carry them through episodes of stress. What does that look like?

• Don’t leave your dog home alone for more than a few hours at a time. Arrange for pet sitters or dog walkers if your dog is going to be home alone all day.
• Make sure your dog has adequate bathroom breaks before you leave. Give them ample time to walk, sniff and enjoy the company of their people.
• Ensure they have the chance to participate in species-specific behaviors whether you’re home or not, such as sniffing, snuffling, running around in a yard, chewing, shredding, digging, etc.
• Avoid adding negative experiences into your dog’s life, such as aversive or punitive types of training. This can include prong or shock collars, yelling and reprimanding.
• Leave high-value treats and enrichment items for your pet upon your departure and play soft music.
• Use natural lavender scents to soothe your dog, though be careful they don’t ingest it. You can also try dog-appeasing pheromones, such as Adaptil products.
• Consider a compression shirt, like a Thundershirt.
• Monitor exactly what your dog is doing when home alone via a surveillance camera.
• When leaving your dog, do not sneak out. Spend time with your dog before departure and calmly pet them. Then inform them you are leaving and that you will be back.

Another possibility is to create a fake human to stand in your place while you’re out. To do this, purchase a mannequin or big teddy bear and introduce this figure as a “family member,” taking it around the house with you. Find clothes that smell like you (a hat, a pajama top, etc.), and dress this “person.” While it won’t work for all dogs, some do find comfort in this “person” and will snuggle up to it in the absence of their real family members.

If you’ve tried all of the above and your dog is still struggling, then it’s time to get help from a professional, such as a veterinarian, veterinary behaviorist or an experienced/certified positive reinforcement trainer. They can guide you through how to set your dog up for success when home alone; they will also help you decide if medications are warranted.

Spano says these cases can be complex. “Treatment is multimodal and typically includes behavior modification and coping mechanisms, and, if indicated, medications,” she explains. “But all of that takes time, just like psychological treatment for humans. The first step toward treatment is to minimize the amount of time the pet experiences distress. Fear and anxiety interfere with the gene transcription that needs to occur for learning to happen, so in those moments, the pet isn’t learning anything from “crying it out.” Instead, they’re just rehearsing the same behaviors we see as problematic.” Overcoming separation anxiety may require trial and error, and many dogs with true separation anxiety may need anti-anxiety medications to help them, unless their owners provide company at all times.

There are some specialized separation anxiety programs available through certified trainers that involve a very detailed and systematic desensitization training plan, guided by a Certified Separation Anxiety Trainer (CSAT). These programs may work for some dogs, but both pet owners and advising trainers must recognize when to discontinue. If progress is not being made, then there is a high risk of exacerbating the problem, especially if subtle signs of distress are not noticed or taken seriously.

With some patience and understanding, along with the proper support, you can set your dog up for success when you leave them home alone.

Busted myths about canine separation anxiety:

It is the owner’s fault for “spoiling” their dogs.

To the contrary, some studies have found that separation anxiety is more likely to occur in homes where owners are detached or disconnected from their pet dog.

You can solve the problem by confusing your dog.

Years ago, experts believed that separation anxiety could be cured if owners gave their dogs mixed signals, like picking up their car keys and then sitting down or wearing their pajamas when leaving the house. But these actions have since been proven ineffective and can even make the problem worse, as dogs may become more anxious due to the lack of consistency in their environment.

Cats don’t suffer from this.

Actually, some do. But because cats are smaller and less likely to be destructive, their separation anxiety can go unnoticed. There is a belief that it is okay to leave cats home alone for a day or two, but that’s very difficult for many cats. They may experience stress-related signs, like fighting with each other, distress about dirty litter boxes and feelings of social isolation.

This article was published in the May/June 2025 edition of Connect to Northern Westchester.