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Dear Luz,

I can’t help it, I’m jealous of my best friend. She seems to have it all – the perfect husband, the perfect kids, the perfect life. Meanwhile, my life can best be described as “one hot mess.” My husband doesn’t appreciate all that I do, my kids fight constantly and I’m always late, underdressed and put my foot in my mouth. My friend is always there for me and loves me just the way I am, which makes me even more jealous. How do I get past this?     

Jealous and feeling guilty

Dear Jealous,

For a moment there, I thought you were jealous of me!  But seriously, there’s no reason to be jealous – just wave your “Hot Mess” flag, Mama, and be proud of who you are. Eventually, you will get through this simply by going through it. And I’ll bet you $20, all is not as it seems. She’s likely just as jealous of you and your freedom to be yourself and not give a $&%t!

Dear Luz,

I think we all have one of these in our family – the crazy aunt or uncle who always gets drunk and makes a scene. In our family, it’s my cousin. She’s such a great friend, but I dread our holiday get-togethers because she becomes loud, insulting and tells inappropriate stories in front of the kids. How do I approach her about this without ruining our friendship?   

Loving cousin

Dear Loving,

Your cousin sounds like a lot of fun! Please let me know next time she is in town – I think we’re kindred spirits! Take deep breaths and remember we all need that person in our lives who can remind us to LET GO and have FUN! I think we’re all wound a little too tight these days, and those carefree spirits are the elixir we need to revel in the joys of life and family. 

Dear Luz,

In our family, I’m in charge of Thanksgiving. I love hosting everyone, but I have this uncle who always overstays his welcome. I serve the meal around 2:00 in the afternoon, and everyone is usually gone by 7:00 p.m. But my uncle just hangs out. He’s not helping me clean or playing with the kids, he’s just hanging out. He often stays until I tell him we’re going to bed (the kids are already asleep). How do I politely kick him out earlier?       

Exhausted hostess

Dear Exhausted,

Girl! We have all been there! If this were me, I would send invitations with a clear start time and  end time. And maybe, your uncle’s invitations should include a disclaimer that after 7:00 p.m., there will be a late-checkout fee of $45 (just like a hotel)! You will go from exhausted hostess to hostess with the mostess in no time flat. Promise.

Dear Luz,

The holidays bring out the worst in my kids. They’re greedy and selfish, demanding and generally ungrateful. We’ve read stories about children who are less fortunate, donated money to charity and even volunteered at a soup kitchen, but nothing seems to help.  What else can I do?     

Embarrassed by my kids

Dear Embarrassed,

First off, we are all embarrassed by our kids! So this season, tell the kids that the holidays are CANCELLED due to their ungratefulness. Then just sit back and watch them grab those volunteer sheets real quick! 

Dear Luz,

What can I do with our old COVID-19 masks? I was thinking of making them into holiday gifts for friends. Maybe wreaths? Or perhaps I can use them to wrap fruitcakes? Obviously, I’ll wash them first. Any other ideas?     

Reusing & Recycling

Dear Reusing,

Good for you for tapping into your creative energy and finding ways to make our world a better place! BUT in this case mama, BURN THEM! Think about it, how would you like a Christmas wreath made out of my kids’ used underwear?! I didn’t think so. Burn those old masks and let’s spend the holidays not handing out extra reminders of the pandemic’s wrath. 

This article was published in the November/December 2022 print edition of Katonah Connect.

Luz Michelle
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Luz Michelle has channelled her unique life experiences and background into a successful comedy career, gracing stages such as Caroline's, Gotham Comedy Club, The Stand, The NY Underground Comedy Festival, The North Carolina Comedy Festival and more, with her malapropisms and unique style. As Founder of Hard Headed Comedy™, a comedy entertainment company, Luz produces live and streamed showcases featuring a diverse mix of established and up-and-coming comedic talent.