The Je Ne Sais Quoi of A Life Well-Loved

By Susan Trumpbour

Design by Justin Negard

Getting older isn’t about “aging gracefully” anymore; nah, that’s yesterday’s news. It’s not enough to live the second half of one’s life quietly and fade into the background. Instead, the movement is to jump in as if it’s a second lease on life.   

Picture your most admired older person. The one who books a trip to Barcelona, trains for a half-marathon, picks up a new language just because and signs up for Mahjong at 80 years old. You’re taking notes, thinking, “I want in.” They’re not just aging; they’re crushing it, and the message is clear: they’re turning every decade into an upgrade rather than a countdown.

What sets them apart? “It’s having vitality,” says Stephanie Perell, LCSW, a licensed therapist in New York and Connecticut. “They don’t dwell on the years past; they learn from them, using them to enrich their lives so they can focus on flourishing and living in the moment.”

There’s nothing magical about it. Living better comes from intentional choices, good habits, a proactive mindset, making adjustments and even using the right beauty cream. It’s also about something called joyspan: In a world obsessed with living longer, the shift should be about living better.

What is joyspan?

Kerry Burnight, Ph.D., a gerontologist, distinguished instructor at the Graham School at the University of Chicago and author of “Joyspan: The Art and Science of Thriving in Life’s Second Half,” has spent over thirty years researching aging. She wants us to focus less on the length of our lives, a.k.a. lifespan, and wants us to invest in a word she uniquely coined: joyspan, which she defines as the time we spend truly thriving and experiencing joy.

“It’s about the experience of well-being and satisfaction at every stage of life, because without it, a long life is a drag,” says Burnight.

If you think this only works for the healthy, married and wealthy, remember, cynicism is the easy way out. The hard part is putting this into action. Burnight acknowledges everyone faces hardships—losing a loved one, receiving a tough diagnosis, having a hip replacement—but she urges us to take charge of our choices and actively make decisions rather than live passively. That’s the real goal.

Burnight stresses we need to stop fearing aging and lean into it, embrace it and teach ourselves how to age with vitality, beauty, humor and gusto. She often cites her 97-year-old mother, Betty, as an inspiration. In a reel on Burnight’s Instagram, she asks her mom if she has arthritis. Betty raises her crooked fingers: “Are you kidding? I have arthritis in every inch of my body, but I try to ignore it.” When walking hurts too much, she uses her stationary bike at the lowest setting. Betty adapts to the daily hurdles of aging like a rock star.

“Throwing up your hands and saying, ‘It’s just lucky genes’ isn’t accurate,” says Burnight. “Genetics plays a role, but it is less than 25 percent. The other 75 percent is shaped by our mindset, behaviors and daily habits. We have far more influence than we might think.”

Midlife doesn’t come with a warranty

Marketing often pushes negative stereotypes and tries to sell us on ‘how to stop aging.’ But you can’t stop it; it’s part of life. “It’s a pretty neat time to grow older,” says Burnright. “There’s a new attitude toward longevity—celebrating the beauty of aging. The earlier you start thinking about cultivating your joyspan, the better.”

Aging begins the moment we’re born. While it’s easy to overlook this reality in our younger years, planning for the future is a step everyone should take. “I ask my patients, who range in age from seven to 74 years old, what truly matters most in their lives,” says Perell. “From there, we focus on how they align their routines with those priorities. As we age, our schedules open up, making it even more important to dedicate time to the things that inspire happiness, strength, aliveness and joy; we must continue to adjust the list as life changes.”

An example of shifting priorities as we age is forging new friendships. Sadly, as the years pass, we lose spouses and friends, and life can get lonely really fast. According to the former U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, feeling lonely is equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day—both have been shown to drastically reduce your lifespan. The good news? It’s never too late to meet new people. Bonus points if they’re active—they’ll keep you busy.

Burnight notes that strengthening these relationships also helps stimulate hormones such as oxytocin and endorphins, which promote happiness and reduce stress.

Images of the ivory, paper, gouache, mother-of-pearl fans are courtesy of The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York, Brooklyn Museum Costume Collection at The Metropolitan Museum of Art, Gift of the Brooklyn Museum, 2009; Gift of George Arents in memory of Annie Walter Arents, 1949, 2009.300.1818.

Pivot your mindset

Burnight, who has treated thousands of older patients, believes aging shouldn’t be viewed as a downhill slope or met with resistance. Research from Yale University shows that people with a positive mindset about aging live, on average, 7.5 years longer than those with a less positive outlook.

Our thoughts matter: Repeated negative beliefs about aging, like feeling worthless and incompetent, are harmful. Thinking positive is essential. Burnight stresses that we need to actively shape the quality of our lives, even when facing health challenges. “How we step up to those challenges can be the difference between thriving and suffering,” she says.

Dick Van Dyke, who is now 100, is the epitome of the perfect joyspanner (another word coined by Burnight) and is open about his challenges, including his struggles with alcohol addiction and mental health. In his autobiography, “My Lucky Life In and Out of Show Business,” he reflects on the concepts of resilience and gratitude, emphasizing how laughter, dance and a sense of play help keep him going.

Perell says don’t let hardships—physical or mental—stop you. “Perspective and balance are key. Don’t see everything one way. Even with ailments, make a new plan. Focus on what’s going right. Train your mind to see the positives and set realistic goals for accomplishment. Taking this outlook is what allows you to find true joy, even in the face of challenges.”

Similarly, Perell also says it’s time to rethink the phrase ‘It’s because I’m old.’ “Getting stuck in this negative space leads to feeling inadequate and uninspired,” she explains. “Age is just a number; don’t let it define you.”

Burnight also advises, “Don’t be so hard on yourself. If you forget where your car is in the grocery store parking lot, don’t call it a ‘senior moment.’ Instead, remind yourself: I didn’t remember where my car was when I was in my 30s. That’s just a human thing, not an aging thing.

The core four

Joyspan is more than just a mindset; it’s also a way of life. To truly embrace it, you’ll need to adapt Burnight’s Core Four: grow, connect, adapt and give. These words are verbs for a reason; they take effort to achieve. “The deeper I dug into the science-based research on longevity, the more I recognized a profound pattern,” explains Burnight. “It became clear that what is necessary to thrive consistently is grouped into these four essential elements.”

Grow

How: Spark curiosity and a desire to learn; step outside of your comfort zone to keep your mind engaged and healthy.

Action: Explore a new-to-you library section,  take a cooking class, ask “why” and look up the answer, embrace the “beginner’s mind” and try one new thing a month.

Adapt

How: Adjust to change and be resilient to challenging situations.

Action: Take notice of what parts of your body are feeling good or what is going right for you, and pivot to a new exercise or hobby that feels right for you; seek spiritual or religious guidance; learn how to breathe to release stress and anxiety/make coping easier.

Connect

How: Invest in building and maintaining relationships for ongoing well-being.

Action: Spend time with younger generations for a fresh perspective; invite your children’s friends over for lunch or bake with your grandkids. Be that person who schedules the get-togethers or makes a call to a friend from the past.

Give

How: Give your time and enrich others with your presence.

Action: Join local organizations like the Lions Club for community service opportunities or the Rotary Club, which prioritizes helping others; think about the little things you can do for others, like kind gestures of giving flowers to a friend; instead of saying “let me know if you need anything,” just act and drop off a hot meal or freshly baked cake. (See the “Of Service” article on page 15 of our January/February 2026 issue or click here to learn more about local service organizations.)

Growing old is a privilege

Every day is a gift. Be grateful for small, valuable things: waking up, breathing, getting out of bed. “It can be hard to set goals when you’re older because you may not know if you’ll reach them,” says Perell. “And this might be true, but at least in your journey, you will feel fulfillment, and who cares if you didn’t get to master it? You are enjoying the ride.”

As Burnight reminds us, thriving in the second half of life with a long lifespan does not mean a life well lived; you should love the life you’re living. Maybe Willie Geist, the news reporter for NBC News, will consider renaming his weekly segment “A Life Well Lived” to “A Life Well Loved.

This article was edited by Isabella Aranda Garcia and fact-checked by Gia Miller. The fan images are courtesy of The Metropolitan Museum of Art’s Open Access Initiative.

This article was published in the March/April 2026 edition of Connect to Northern Westchester.