Dear Luz #6

Dear Luz,

My roommate is driving me crazy! It’s all the little things she does – she bites her nails, taps her fingers on the desk when she’s thinking and even the way she turns the pages in a book (who needs to lick their finger every time?) is making me nuts. I can’t afford to live by myself, and I don’t want to live with a stranger, so I think I’m stuck with her. How do I get past all her annoying habits?

– Annoyed roommate

Dear Annoyed,

Roommates!!!! What a gift it is to live with someone who possesses such fascinating habits. Am I right?!

You can either embrace the constant source of amusement and consider yourself blessed to have a living, breathing performance art installation in your midst or embrace my surefire solution to survive this whirlwind of eccentricities. 

Welcome the absurdity with open arms and a sarcastic grin. Become the ultimate connoisseur of her habits, and playfully imitate them whenever possible. In other words, why be annoyed when you can become a virtuoso of finger-tapping and nail-biting yourself?

Who knows, maybe her quirks will rub off on you, and you’ll both become the reigning champions of odd habits! If you choose to embrace the madness in some way, you’ll find that life with her is a delightful circus of hilarity and sarcasm.

Dear Luz,

Does this milk smell bad?

Yes. Or it’s your upper lip.

Dear Luz,

Whenever we go out to dinner, my spouse says she never wants dessert or that she’ll just have a bite of mine. But when my dessert comes, she takes one bite, then another, then another, and before I know it, she’s eaten the whole thing! How can I politely tell her she needs to order her own dessert?

– Unfulfilled sweet tooth

Dear Sweet tooth,

Oh, the never-ending dessert drama that occurs when your spouse’s dessert desires transform into a full-blown dessert takeover! We’ve all been there at least once.

I say hold your ground, cowboy, and establish some dessert diplomacy. I recommend you order your own and bask in the glory of dessert independence. But if (and when) she sneaks a bite from your plate, give her the side-eye with a touch of playful sarcasm. “Ahhh, the ‘I’ll just have a bite’ strategy in full action. You really are a dessert stealth master!”

With a sly grin, remind her of the dessert code. “Remember, we’re a nation of separate desserts – united, but with our own sweet sovereignty!” (Adorable, I know.)

Embrace the dessert-driven banter, for it adds a sprinkle of humor to your dining adventures. Hopefully, she’ll pick up your dessert hints sooner rather than later.

Dear Luz,

Help! My son wants to major in poetry, but that’s not a sustainable career. He’s very good at math, which I think could take him far. How do I convince him to look towards the future and major in something that will actually result in a career?

– Worried mom

Dear Worried,

Bold and brave, let the poet rise,

In words and rhythm, he’ll mesmerize.

Math’s a road well-traveled, it’s true,

But poetry’s magic, he’ll break through.

With pen in hand, he’ll weave a tale,

In laughter and wit, he’ll set sail.

A career unknown, a thrilling quest,

But passion’s fire, it beats the rest.

So cheer him on with fearless might,

A poet’s heart, a shining light.

In verses bold, he’ll find his way,

Embrace the art, let dreams hold sway.

Disclaimer: It’s okay to laugh – this is a humor column! We welcome your Dear Luz questions, but we’re legally obligated to say this is not a substitute for real advice by professionals.

This article was published in the September/October 2023 edition of Katonah Connect.