Listen to this article

Writing by Susan Trumpbour

Im going back in time to an era where neon-colored spandex, big hair and acid wash ruled the day. Technology was noisy back then; there were loud buzzing alarm clocks, screeching and beeping fax machines and the clickity-clack of typewriters. Nevertheless, I’m taking a nostalgic adventure throughout my day, paying tribute to retro technology. I will relive the quirks and charms of yesteryear; and I imagine it’ll be both delightful and frustrating, just like trying to untangle a phone cord while chatting with your crush. 

6:00 a.m: Feeling annoyed but awake, which is a win, I guess

The clock’s numbers dance as they literally flip over, and I awake to the high-decibel siren blaring into my peaceful dream, jolting me up and possibly into a mild heart attack.  This is where the fun begins, fumbling to silence the noise. Half-asleep, I blindly slap at buttons. Missing the mark means instant chaos, sending my dog into a howling frenzy as if he’s auditioning for Barking Idol. Next, The Clapper triggers a cacophony of “dings” and “beeps” from different appliances, turning the morning into an impromptu symphony hitting all the bad notes. I then flip the switch to the radio and wrestle with the tuning dial; I’m weaving in and out between the morning news, punctuated by bursts of static and, finally, finding music: playing the tune Manic Monday, perfectly setting the tone for my retro adventure.

Rating: 2 out of 5

 

9:00 a.m: Work, clicking away and feeling a bit overwhelmed

I sit at my desk and break out my old typewriter to complete a story due tomorrow. I make sure I have a bottle of Wite-Out nearby. It doesn’t take more than three loud clacking keystrokes before I am reminded of this madness. I’m not concerned about not having to spell check or the ability to save my work because I haven’t even finished a page when my hard work gets eaten by a jammed carriage return. With ink-stained fingers, I pull out the torn paper, crumble it into a ball and throw it on the floor.  I’m grumpy, and I think my brain needs a break, so I head into the kitchen for some Bagel Bites and Crystal Light.

When I calmly return to my office, I glance at my large desk calendar to review my list of appointments for the day. There are no annoying alerts every 10 minutes, and I am feeling pretty darn proud of my functioning memory. I spin my trusty Rolodex and pick up my relic rotary phone. Making a call is like operating an old-fashioned combination lock: insert a finger in the hole, rotate the dial, release and repeat. I mess up twice, and I’m forced to start all over again. I miss the delete icon.

Rating: 3 out of 5

 

5:30 p.m: Running on empty

After work, I lace up my Reeboks for a run, armed with my Walkman and some motivating tunes. Finding a cassette tape that isn’t mangled is like searching for a unicorn. I strike gold and score a winner, Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” album.  Fingers crossed the battery outlast my endurance. I decide to go all in on this retro day and use a bright pink scrunchie to secure my teased hair in a high ponytail. Passersby throw curious glances and whisper to each other; I convince myself they’re just envious of my retro swag. As I hit my stride, I carefully eject and flip the tape to side two, only to have my luck run out; the tape unravels, leaving the ribbon fluttering in the breeze. As I jog home, broken cassette in hand and ribbon trailing behind me, I finally understand why fanny packs were invented. 

Rating: 3 out of 5

 

8:00 p.m: Winding down, vintage style

After a perfectly cooked casserole courtesy of my Better Homes & Gardens cookbook, I choose to wind down with a big bowl of Jiffy Pop and a true classic: “When Harry Met Sally.” I place the tape into my VCR and the static hum of the tape and the clunk of the VHS cassette slotting into place brings me a sigh of relief, reassuring me that it still functions and isn’t stuck on repeat. The charm of the grainy picture transports me back in time.

Rating: 4 out of 5

 

As the day ends, my iPhone sits in a corner, its screen dark and silent; I enjoy the quiet instead of scrolling through endless feeds. I find solace as I am left with a sense of calm and deep appreciation for the simplicity of the past, but I still appreciate many of our modern innovations. I definitely don’t miss the typewriter, that’s for sure. I snuggle under the covers and enjoy the serene absence of blue light. As I drift off, I muse whether I will dream in black and white after a day spent in retro style.

Overall rating: 12 out of 20

Let’s break this down. A 12 out of 20 total score is like me showing up to an ‘80s party in pink legwarmers. I have the spirit and dig the vibe, but I appreciate the conveniences of modern tech. Just call me retro chic meets 21-century sensibility. 

This article was published in the September/October 2024 edition of Connect to Northern Westchester.

Susan Trumpbour

Susan Trumpbour, a.k.a. ‘Dear Beauty Editor’, has spent over 20 years as a beauty editor, new product development executive and trend consultant. If she isn’t writing about beauty, she’s creating shades and formulas for top cosmetics houses like L’Oréal, Maybelline and Neutrogena. In her spare time, she enjoys hiking the beautiful trails in Bedford, where she lives with her husband, two sons and their white fluffy rescue dog.