A Day with Retro Technology

Writing by Susan Trumpbour

Im going back in time to an era where neon-colored spandex, big hair and acid wash ruled the day. Technology was noisy back then; there were loud buzzing alarm clocks, screeching and beeping fax machines and the clickity-clack of typewriters. Nevertheless, I’m taking a nostalgic adventure throughout my day, paying tribute to retro technology. I will relive the quirks and charms of yesteryear; and I imagine it’ll be both delightful and frustrating, just like trying to untangle a phone cord while chatting with your crush. 

6:00 a.m: Feeling annoyed but awake, which is a win, I guess

The clock’s numbers dance as they literally flip over, and I awake to the high-decibel siren blaring into my peaceful dream, jolting me up and possibly into a mild heart attack.  This is where the fun begins, fumbling to silence the noise. Half-asleep, I blindly slap at buttons. Missing the mark means instant chaos, sending my dog into a howling frenzy as if he’s auditioning for Barking Idol. Next, The Clapper triggers a cacophony of “dings” and “beeps” from different appliances, turning the morning into an impromptu symphony hitting all the bad notes. I then flip the switch to the radio and wrestle with the tuning dial; I’m weaving in and out between the morning news, punctuated by bursts of static and, finally, finding music: playing the tune Manic Monday, perfectly setting the tone for my retro adventure.

Rating: 2 out of 5

9:00 a.m: Work, clicking away and feeling a bit overwhelmed

I sit at my desk and break out my old typewriter to complete a story due tomorrow. I make sure I have a bottle of Wite-Out nearby. It doesn’t take more than three loud clacking keystrokes before I am reminded of this madness. I’m not concerned about not having to spell check or the ability to save my work because I haven’t even finished a page when my hard work gets eaten by a jammed carriage return. With ink-stained fingers, I pull out the torn paper, crumble it into a ball and throw it on the floor.  I’m grumpy, and I think my brain needs a break, so I head into the kitchen for some Bagel Bites and Crystal Light.

When I calmly return to my office, I glance at my large desk calendar to review my list of appointments for the day. There are no annoying alerts every 10 minutes, and I am feeling pretty darn proud of my functioning memory. I spin my trusty Rolodex and pick up my relic rotary phone. Making a call is like operating an old-fashioned combination lock: insert a finger in the hole, rotate the dial, release and repeat. I mess up twice, and I’m forced to start all over again. I miss the delete icon.

Rating: 3 out of 5

5:30 p.m: Running on empty

After work, I lace up my Reeboks for a run, armed with my Walkman and some motivating tunes. Finding a cassette tape that isn’t mangled is like searching for a unicorn. I strike gold and score a winner, Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” album.  Fingers crossed the battery outlast my endurance. I decide to go all in on this retro day and use a bright pink scrunchie to secure my teased hair in a high ponytail. Passersby throw curious glances and whisper to each other; I convince myself they’re just envious of my retro swag. As I hit my stride, I carefully eject and flip the tape to side two, only to have my luck run out; the tape unravels, leaving the ribbon fluttering in the breeze. As I jog home, broken cassette in hand and ribbon trailing behind me, I finally understand why fanny packs were invented. 

Rating: 3 out of 5

8:00 p.m: Winding down, vintage style

After a perfectly cooked casserole courtesy of my Better Homes & Gardens cookbook, I choose to wind down with a big bowl of Jiffy Pop and a true classic: “When Harry Met Sally.” I place the tape into my VCR and the static hum of the tape and the clunk of the VHS cassette slotting into place brings me a sigh of relief, reassuring me that it still functions and isn’t stuck on repeat. The charm of the grainy picture transports me back in time.

Rating: 4 out of 5

As the day ends, my iPhone sits in a corner, its screen dark and silent; I enjoy the quiet instead of scrolling through endless feeds. I find solace as I am left with a sense of calm and deep appreciation for the simplicity of the past, but I still appreciate many of our modern innovations. I definitely don’t miss the typewriter, that’s for sure. I snuggle under the covers and enjoy the serene absence of blue light. As I drift off, I muse whether I will dream in black and white after a day spent in retro style.

Overall rating: 12 out of 20

Let’s break this down. A 12 out of 20 total score is like me showing up to an ‘80s party in pink legwarmers. I have the spirit and dig the vibe, but I appreciate the conveniences of modern tech. Just call me “retro chic meets 21-century sensibility.” 

This article was published in the September/October 2024 edition of Connect to Northern Westchester.