Dear Luz #20

By Luz Michelle

Artwork by Justin Negard

Disclaimer: It’s okay to laugh—this is a humor column! We welcome your Dear Luz questions, but we’re legally obligated to say this is not a substitute for real advice by professionals.

Dear Luz,

I have this friend who name drops like it’s a full time job. Half the time, I’m convinced she’s making it up. Every conversation turns into a red carpet recap. How do I call her out without starting a war?

— Not a Name Dropper

Dear Not a Name Dropper,

You’re not imagining it. Your friend is living in her own celebrity fan fiction. Let her. The trick isn’t calling her out, it’s calling her bluff with charm. When she drops another “I was just texting Ryan Gosling,” look up and say, “Tell him I said hi,” then keep talking about your coffee order. No drama, no reaction, just a reminder that the only star in your story is you.

— Luz

Dear Luz,

My mom is the whitest woman in New York. But the second she orders tacos, she suddenly thinks she’s from Tijuana. “Wacamole” is her personal brand of cringe. It’s mortifying. How do I get her to stop rolling her R’s like she’s auditioning for Telemundo?

— No Español

Dear No Español,

HONEY, I am your life. I’m Hispanic and still sound like Staten Island trying to say “quesadilla.”

Your mom means well, she’s not trying to offend, she’s just auditioning for a trip she’s never taking. Gently remind her that ordering tacos isn’t a language exam. Tell her, “Confidence over consonants, Ma.”

And if that doesn’t land, just whisper, “Mom, this is New York. You can’t be out here saying ‘Wacamole.’”

— Luz

Dear Luz,

My mom drives me and my neighbor to school, but sometimes my neighbor isn’t even awake when it’s time to leave. My mom actually goes into her house to wake her up, and then we sit there waiting while she gets ready. It makes me late, and I get in trouble even though it’s not my fault. How do I get my mom to see this is messing me up?

— Not My Fault

Dear Not My Fault,

Your mom’s got the heart of a saint and the time management of a fever dream. She’s out there running a wake-up service nobody subscribed to. Tell her, “Ma, we’re not the Snooze Patrol.” If your neighbor can’t get up, that’s between her and her alarm clock. You’ve got places to be and a reputation to save. “Ain’t nobody got time for that!”

— Luz

Dear Luz,

I keep nodding off during long Zoom meetings, and once I even snored! Any tips for staying awake and looking alive?

— Snooze Alert

Dear Snooze Alert,

Oh, the corporate coma, we’ve all been there. You need caffeine, chaos and cardio (such t-shirt material). Ring light on, camera high and snacks within reach (t-shirt #2). The second your eyelids get heavy, mute yourself, turn off your camera and do five jumping jacks like you’re rebooting your soul. And if you feel a snore coming, fake a cough and say, “Sorry, just allergic to spreadsheets.” End scene.

— Luz

This article was published in the January/February 2026 edition of Connect to Northern Westchester.