Dear Luz #18

By Luz Michelle

Artwork by Justin Negard

Disclaimer: It’s okay to laugh—this is a humor column! We welcome your Dear Luz questions, but we’re legally obligated to say this is not a substitute for real advice by professionals.

Dear Luz,

My sweet, well-meaning neighbor has asked me to join three different MLMs in the past year—collagen packets, magnetic socks, and now some “gut powder” that smells like sadness. I’ve said no politely, but she won’t quit. Can I ghost her?

-Trapped

Dear Trapped,

Babe. We don’t ghost in Westchester; we gracefully exit with boundaries.

Tell her straight-up: you admire her energy, but MLMs aren’t your vibe. Be kind, be clear and maybe offer to support her muffin game instead.

Say it once, mean it, and move on with your fabulous, pyramid-free life.

Dear Luz,

My grandma just discovered emojis, and now her texts are pure chaos. Like, full strings of random icons with zero explanation. The other day she asked me a question and added a badger. What does that even mean? Do I give her an emoji tutorial or just let her live?

-Lost in

Dear Lost,

Let her live. She survived dial-up and war. If she wants to talk to you in

you respond with

and call it love.

You don’t teach her Emoji 101. You thank the universe she’s actually texting and hope she never learns what the eggplant really means.

Dear Luz,

My girlfriend loses her mind if I don’t text back within an hour. Legit, my phone was broken last week, and I couldn’t reply for two hours, so she started texting my friends to check on me! How do I get her to chill?

-Caught in the Text Storm

Dear Caught in a Storm,

This isn’t about your phone; it’s about her trust.

You’ve got two options: couples therapy or a real talk where you both lay down what’s going on. Tell her you love her, but you’re not glued to your notifications.

If she can’t take on a broken phone without launching a search party, there’s a bigger problem to solve.

Dear Luz,

I love my job, but my boss? Actually crazy. It’s making me dread going in. There are a few changes that could fix everything, but I’m scared to speak up. Do I risk it or just quit?

-Walking on Eggshells

Dear Walking on Eggshells,

Fear is a trap. But silence is a slow death.

Put your ideas in writing, like a killer deck or a slick proposal—something she can’t ignore.

If she shoots it down, start prepping your exit plan. You deserve a workplace that inspires you, not one that terrifies you.

This article was published in the September/October 2025 edition of Connect to Northern Westchester.